Thursday, September 29, 2016

The Twins' Newborn Photos








































We took these photos a few weeks ago and the twins woke up just in time for the photographer to get here. Beka Price captured some truly priceless images for our little family! She even waited while we fed them and was incredibly helpful and sweet (she has twins as well). 

I'm so in love with these sweet babies. They are growing up too fast already! On the hard days, I always try to remind myself that the newborn stage is just a small speck in time. I'm going to snuggle these bundles as much as I can and keep telling them to not grow up so fast!

Beka Price Photography: Web site and Instagram
My dress: Nordstrom (comes in coral too)
My Lipstick: Lipsense 
Harris and Goldie's blankets: Pottery Barn Kids
"Mama" necklace: Made by Mary
Birth date and name necklace: Tiny Tags

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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

You Always Need Your Mama


motherhood

To my beautiful Goldie,

Last night I slept in our guest bedroom because I was so exhausted that I asked your dad to take over for the night. You're lucky to have such an incredible daddy that loves us so much. At about 3:30 am, I heard you crying. I came into the room and your dad was finishing feeding Harris so he couldn't get to you. He had already fed you and held you while you fell back to sleep, but you had woken up again while daddy was feeding Harris. Your dad told me that he didn't think I should pick you up, but just try to soothe you in your bed because he thought you might go to sleep more quickly that way. You were really sad, so I sat down next to your little bassinet.  I sat there and said "shhh" and stroked your sweet little head with my head. You were almost immediately soothed. It was such a sweet experience for me. You know your mama and my presence brings you so much peace. It has been really incredible to see the way that you react to me from the very start. I would walk up to your little crib in the NICU, and even at 2 days old, you would try to turn your head in the direction of my voice. You wouldn't even have your eyes open, or they would be covered, but you knew my voice. You would always wake up when I was there as well, when oftentimes you would sleep through the nurses taking care of you.

My mom brings me so much peace. She somehow always knows how to relieve my mind when it's troubled. I talk to her almost every single day, and when I don't, it just doesn't feel right. I'll always be here for you too, my girl. After I gave birth to you and your brother, my body went into shock and started convulsing and shaking really, really badly. I couldn't stop. My jaw was hurting so badly, and eventually the nurse gave me morphine to relax my muscles and stop the spasms. My mom laid on me to help bring me comfort...her body pressure helped me to not shake so hard and uncontrollably. She brought me so much comfort then just as I brought you comfort last night when you were crying. 

We always need our mama, no matter how old we get, and I hope you always remember how much I love you and I will always be the one that wants to bring peace to you. I might not always have the answers or the right things to say, but I want you to know that my arms are always a safe place for you. My arms will always be home for you, my sweet girl.

The circle of life and love continues and it's so beautiful to see it unfold. God knew what he was doing when he created families.

You're my sweetest girl.

xo

Mama


Sunday, September 25, 2016

The Last Month with Our Twins!

To my beautiful children,
Well, it's official. I get more and more obsessed with you every single day. Also, I have literally been coming back and writing this post several times over the past MONTH because I keep getting interrupted. Life is absolutely insanely busy...and I love you more and more each moment. 
I'm with you 24/7, but when I do get the chance to get out of the house to work out or run some errands, it refreshes me and I'm so excited to get back to you. Your dad is amazing; he happily watches you so I can get out whenever I want to in the evenings. I was at the gym the other day and I found myself looking at pictures and videos of you two dolls. I'm wondering when it will set in that I get to keep you? How are you mine?! What a treasure.

There have been a couple times when I have been holding you in the last few weeks and I have had tears come to my eyes because I'm so grateful and amazed at what miracles you are! 

So, what have the last few weeks been like? Poor Harris had his circumcision almost four weeks ago and I couldn't even stay in the procedure room because I felt so bad for you and I couldn't stand to hear you cry! Goldie and I went into another room while daddy stayed with you. You have healed very well, but the first day was a little hard on you. We would squeeze tons of Vaseline all over your diaper and on your cut so that you would be more comfortable and you were a champ. You're such a good, brave boy. On the same day you had your circumcision, your sweet sister Goldie was having a really hard time eating because she was so congested. Every time I would feed her a bottle with my breastmilk fortified with formula, she would cough and choke. It was heartbreaking to see her so hungry and trying again and again to eat but not being able to!

I had the doctor weigh her and she had lost some weight since her last visit which is not normal at all. I could tell she didn't feel good and she was starting to get bags under her poor little eyes. She was so hungry and couldn't eat! I felt so helpless because I had tried a cool mist humidifier, saline drops, suctioning out her nose with the Nose Frida and a bulb, sleeping her at an incline...you name it. The doctor told us that he would write a prescription for nasal suction at the hospital but that seemed like a very temporary fix. I wanted to know what was CAUSING the congestion. I went back to the doctor a few days later because you had blood in your poop, Goldie. I felt so bad for you. Your sweet little eyes looked so exhausted and I was getting very worried about you. We came to the conclusion that you were allergic to milk. I stopped eating anything dairy and within a couple days it made a really big difference.

During your two month checkup, Harris weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and was 21.25 inches long and Goldie weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. and was 20.25 inches long. You were both brave during your shots and only cried for a second, but you both felt horrible for about 3 days after.

All of the sudden a couple days ago, you started getting congested again and then I noticed blood in your poop the next morning. I was so surprised and alarmed because I have been being meticulous not to eat anything with milk in it. Then I said, "Tyler, what kind of protein did you put in my protein shake yesterday morning?" He accidentally put in whey protein! NOOOOO!!! I literally started crying a couple hours later because you were miserable. I have been trying to so hard to eat so right for you and I was so exhausted at the thought of you feeling horrible again. Oh, and did I mention that I went to the doctor and found out that I have epstein barr? AKA mono. So I am exhausted. I guess I had it in the past and it's flaring up again because I'm run down. When you go through something exhausting and traumatic like pregnancy and giving birth, NICU stay for your twins, etc. it can really have a toll on you and your immune system decides that it can't handle it all. I'm now taking lots of herbs and vitamins and I hope that will help. You cute Gram Gram (my mom) watched you while I went to that doctor appointment. She said that I'm allowed to have a break down any time I want to because having two babies is really hard ha ha :)

Your aunt Jocelyn was here all week and it was so nice to have her here! It's safe to say that she is 100% obsessed with you. She simply can't get enough.

This last month has been full of so many ups and downs. The greatest joy and sheer exhaustion to the point of tears. The hardest part about being a mama is knowing there is something wrong but not being able to pinpoint it and help your baby. 


A few of the great joys that I don't want to forget:
- The sound Goldie makes when she needs to sneeze but it doesn't come out. It's the cutest little sigh you'll ever hear in your entire life!
- Harris' squeaky cries. It breaks my heart!
- During our newborn family photoshoot, I decided that I would give Goldie my "mama" necklace on the day that she has her first baby. I got chills!! 
- Goldie's eyes when she looks up at me as I nurse her. The most innocent, sweet eyes I've seen (besides Harris'...both straight from heaven)
- Tyler and I always say a prayer before we go to bed each night and we always do it while holding hands. Goldie was up when we were going to do it so both held her hand and held each others' hands as well in a little circle. Her hands were so tiny in ours and I thought it was so cute!
- I was about to go back to bed after feeding Goldie in the middle of the night one night and I had resolved to just letting her rest on me. Tyler had already put Harris back to bed and he said, "can I hold her for a minute?" He walked around the house rocking her back to sleep so I could go back to sleep. He's an unbelievable dad and husband. It's hard to be selfless like that when it's 4 am!

Okay, that's all for now my sweet babies! We have had a hard week, but the crazy thing about parenting is that we wouldn't trade it for anything and would do it all over again.

You're worth it.

xo

Mama
I have about a million photos from the past month, but here are some of my favorites:





Freshly Picked came out with a less expensive version of their moccs here! The soft soles are really good for baby's feet when they are learning how to walk.


Meeting baby Jackson for the first time!






This is one of my favorite pictures to date. The twins look like they are conspiring against me!











Oh, and I just found these photos from over a month ago that I forgot about!






This is Tyler and his dad on the day of his birth!!




 The day we brought the babies home from the hospital!
































Their cute little outfits are from KB Cute Designs